Today in the Starbucks Shenanigans, I shall tell you about my weekend.  But first I shall tell you that the indecisive woman in front of me left her cell phone on the counter which makes me laugh.  It's one of those huge Galaxy III or something so how did she not notice missing basically a tablet? I don' t know.

Paul came to visit me for the weekend.  SO RANDOM.  I'm very proud of myself because I did not succumb to peer pressure and do anything with him that I did not want to do.  In the process of doing this I allegedly hurt his feelings.  What he didn't seem to be able to understand was that it wasn't for him to take personally, it was my choice.  He's not used to having a relationship with me that isn't in some way more than friendly and now he's going to have to deal with it.

The phone lady just came back.  Well done, phone lady.

More importantly than all of this, I recently learned that my Niecephew is officially a Niece.  I'll continue calling her niecephew probably for the entirety of her life.  She'll get used to it.

Wireless Internet For Idiots

I was reading a Huffington Post article my friend posted.  This alone is insignificant.  Hold on, the point is coming.  The article was 12 steps to get out of your mid-life crisis.  There were a few things on this list that caught my attention and I wonder how I would go about doing them.  Especially number twelve which encourages alcoholism when steps 1-11 fail.

There was one step about finding your passion and making a career out of it.  The article said to think about an activity that makes you happy.  This activity makes you tune out the outside world and becomes the center of your universe while it's taking place.  Three things come to mind.  I zone out most when I'm dancing, reading, or writing.

I don't think I could ever be a professional dancer, I killed that dream when I found out at the ripe old age of 11 that to be a Rockette,you need to be tall.  I'm ringing in at barely five feet so yes, that is out of the running.

How do you become  a professional reader? Is that even a job? Or is that like a book editor in which I would have to go back and probably get a degree in English lit which I won't do.  I should google this more.

Writing would be fun but I like writing like this.  Informal.  On my own topics that are interesting to me.  I'm not interesting enough to run a successful blog.  No one even reads this.  It's like an homage to myself. My electronic diary that I'll look back on as I have all my diaries and shuddered at all my cringeworthy angst and turmoil.

Such is life. I spend 40% of my time at various Starbucks so I should just start a series called the Starbucks Shenanigans and spy on people.  Instant best-seller.

Today in the Starbucks Shenanigans, A man procured a headache after being on a job interview for over two hours.  He then preceded to grab a Grande-something-or-other and call multiple people to tell them about his afternoon.  The shop has been noisy so he could not hear his companions on the other end very well but that did not stop him from talking even louder and making more than one phone call from the same seat which had spotty reception.  I eventually moved chairs due to failing wifi and lack of power outlet.

Fun fact- Wifi does not stand for anything.  That is actually the whole word.  I don't know if I've talked about that before but it baffles me.  Who would think up wifi? Why wifi? If it were to be an acronym, what do you think it would stand for?

Wireless Internet For Idiots

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.

Also, some guy just walked up to the register and did a jig.  If he gets free coffee from doing a jig, I'm forever doing that from this day forward.

The Runaway

On occasion, I get this unsettling nerve to run.  I don't mean run as in the physical activity, I mean it as in to flee.  Something will change in my mindset and my entire surroundings just aren't acceptable any longer, as if by magic.  

When we're children, running away seemed like terrible, dangerous and reckless act.  I often thought about it after getting into a row with my parents or something else which was likely inconsequential, but never went through with it.  How could I have? I had no money, no sense of direction.  I'd end up just walking in circles around my neighborhood and when the street lights turned on I knew I had to go home where it was safe. Even if I didn't want to be there.  

The first opportunity I had to escape was college.  I left the state and because of a boy, I ran back.  Then I left again for almost a year which was the best year of my entire life. I should have stayed there, but I didn't.  Now, I've run again and although this is the most independent I have ever felt and I'm so happy to be here, the part of me that is programmed to pack up and go is already planning my next move. 

Is this still considered running away? Is it wanderlust? Is it being scared to settle down? Most likely it's a combination of the three.  

It raises the question "Are you ever too old to run away?"  If the answer is no, then I wonder when will it stop? Or perhaps more importantly, do I want it to?

Starbucks Envy

I'm sitting in Starbucks trying to assess my life goals as one casually does on a Monday evening, and the man that's been sitting across from me is fascinating.  He was here when I walked in so he has been sitting in the same spot doing who knows what for at least three hours.  He has had at least 2 coffee's, a tea, bought one snack, and is now eating his own snack he must have brought with him.  This snack is also double zip locked bagged which I don't understand.  He's dressed like he works in an office, he has a Macbook and brought his own mouse and mousepad with him.

I want to know what he does.  Or what he's doing. And how if he's being paid for it, how can I be paid for it too?

I had a year To-do list and I've lost it so I can't really remember what's on it anymore.  Well, I'm remaking this list right now.  I've been job searching again because I need a second job and I don't really want to have another crappy part time thing but I haven't been able to find anything remotely interesting that I'm qualified for.  If there was a job listing that said something along the lines of:

"Looking for College Graduate who loves to browse on social media, read novels, drink too much, and be awkward. Please apply here."

I'd be set for life. So for now, I suppose I'll stalk the job listings websites and hope Petsmart will give me more hours.

Between now and January, this is what I want to accomplish.

-Second job
-Less partying
-Healthier
-Start dating

I can do this.  I have to do this.  I've been having such a quarter-life crisis this month and I've been going out  A LOT which has been pointless because I don't even have much fun.  I've gotten black-out drunk a few times. Thrown up a lot. Basically, I'm killing myself because I don't want to deal with my emotional instability.  Le sigh.

I think Starbucks guy got another coffee.  And he took out another granola bar.  I don't understand anything.

This might be the wine talking

I've been single for almost two years.  After an excruciating heart break with a very dramatic relationship, I've vowed to (probably) never find someone else.  Well, so far this has been true.  I have had relations with a few people, yet have always stuck to my pretenses with the "I don't want a boyfriend. Being single is way more fun. Relationships are too much work. I don't want to lose myself again."None of that has been a fabrication. In fact, I still hold true to most of that.  Yet, I find myself wanting.  Not just a physical relation, not even a commitment, but someone.

I keep thinking about my past relationships both consciously and unconsciously and it's driving me mad.  I miss the companionship. I miss the butterflies.  I miss the honesty.  What I previously "vowed" has not been what's keeping me from venturing out into the dating pool. It's just now that I'm thinking about it, he -or anyone- could misinterpret my relationship status as a homage to him.

Him and I don't talk.  I'm fairly certain that he's dating someone else at the moment which is more than fine by me.  There is a 98.43% chance he doesn't ever think about my existence let alone if I'm dating yet.  So why is he on my mind? I don't know.

Maybe it's because it would have been our six year anniversary last week.  Or my other long-term squeeze, eight years.  Perhaps it is because it's almost to the two year mark of which the relationship came to an end.  Perhaps the myth that if you're dreaming of someone, they're often thinking of you is true?

Whatever the case, I have long since moved on from my past and might be ready to start anew.  Wish me luck?

Rantings of the Pre-Menstrual.

Today has been a hell of a day.

I had work at seven o'clock this morning so I pried myself out of bed and was in such a state of I-better-hurry-the-fuck-up-or-I'll-be-late, that I didn't have time to make myself tea (for the second morning in a row) and I completely forgot to grab my glasses before I headed out the door.

I didn't realize this until I was pulling out of our apartment in the dark and being like "Why is everything blurry?". Mind you, this is at 6:30 am, I have nothing in my system, and the sun has not risen yet.  So I prayed all the way to work. This is what I imagine drunk driving feels like. (Spoiler: I made it.)

While at work, I had literally nothing to do for the first two hours.  The store doesn't open it's doors until nine and there wasn't much to stock. I resorted to playing with a laser pointer and annoying the cats with it.  It eventually picked up a half hour before my shift was over and in this time span, I encountered my favorite customer...

She was probably in her 70s so she should have known better, but I'm so used to these types of inquiries that I barely notice them anymore.  It was her reaction that took me by surprise.

Customer: So, what do you call that hairstyle?
Me: Waardenburg Syndrome.
Customer : ... Oh... Are you okay!?
Me: Haha, yeah I'm fine it's just a lack of pigment.
Customer: Okay, I'm glad.  ::Insert family story she told to try and redeem herself:: I'm glad you're not punk.
Me: Nope, it's natural.
Customer: ::Awkwardly waves and walks away::

I still don't know whether I should be happy she was concerned once she found out that I had a medical condition, or offended that she looks down upon punk people.

When I was driving home, it started to sprinkle and I nearly had a panic attack.  My inner monologue went something like "I don't have my glasses on, if it starts to pour I'm screwed. There's no place to turn off the road. I just want Dunkin Donuts. I'm going to die."

The rain stopped in about a minute, I only ended up getting a drink because THEY NEVER HAVE PUMPKIN MUFFINS!! Seriously, if it's the fall season and you're advertising pumpkin flavored items, make more of those than the other items so you don't sell out by 11 am and leave disgruntled PMS-ing customer's muffin-less.

I went home where I proceeded to binge eat for about two hours and now here I am, reflecting on the day that is long from over.

Honestly, I just want a milkshake from Steak and Shake.

Book Haul, Y'all

I've been reading a lot of books lately.

The Great Gatsby

Reflected In You

Entwined With You

Never Let Me Go

and I've finished A Feast for Crows which did get more exciting and fast paced towards the end.

As of right now, I am in the middle of reading Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened.  There is a good chance that it may become my favorite book.  I always say that the last book I've read is my favorite which is true, but this is hysterical.  If you haven't read it, I highly encourage you to. It's a memoir of mostly true, some slightly exaggerated or false tails of her life so far.  

One of the coolest parts about it is that she's a blogger.  Not that I consider myself a blogger or an author.  Not that I inspire to write a novel one day... but that would be amazing to have your work put out into the world.  I'd love to be an editor, however I still do love the idea of being a School Psychologist or even at this point a Guidance counselor.  Who knows when I'll get my shit together (aka. money) to do that.  

For now I'll just be swimming in credit card debt and hoping I can pay rent on time.  It's the simple things in life... 

I was in my first car accident last night.

Was going across the street to buy wine as one does, and I got into an accident.  It was bound to happen sooner or later. I would have preferred later.

I'm rather annoyed.

So ...

I've been away for a while.  What have I been doing? Mostly going insane.  Once I got back from Canada, I spent a week harassing people on the phone with my mom and got an apartment! Then I quickly had to go to Boston to say hi and bye to my friends which was a shit-show.  A few days later, Mother and I were off on our five day road trip to Austin.  I've been here exactly a week so far and it's going well. Can't wait for my roommate to get here in about two weeks and for my parents to leave because they're exhausting.  Also, my sister dropped the bomb on us that she's expecting. I'm going to have a niecephew in April! Coincidentally, it's birthday will be the same week as mine.  That little shit.  Take a look at what I've been up to in my absence.

I've been back on "vacation" for a week now.  The reason it's written in quotations is that it doesn't feel like I'm vacating anything other than a big comfy bed and a consistently strong wifi signal.  Due to this "vacation"I am currently missing my longest and dearest childhood friend (or as I commonly refer to her as the Wife)'s graduation party.  I feel unbelievably guilty about this but hey, what can I do?

Other life updates

•  I saw The Heat and it was hysterical. Highly recommend for a good laugh.
• Also saw World War Z which was much better than I had anticipated. 
• Turned out that my car's registration was up in June and no one noticed until yesterday so I've been illegally driving it for almost two months. I live life on the edge!
• Went on another Unfollow-spree on Facebook and I have no bother's to be found about it.  I'd unfollow more but then I'd only be friends with like 30 people. 
• And I think I'm PMS-ing. Which isn't at all noteworthy but this is my blog and I can write what I want. And right now I want peanut butter and chocolate popcorn.  

Unpopular topic/opinion of the day: Headaches!
I've always gotten them. At one point I was on medication for them.  The doctor could not determine how or what the cause was so I was on a trial and error medication plan which ended after the drug that worked the best was taken off the market for being highly addictive.  It's fine, 8 Aspirin and a few hours of nothing strenuous usually does the trick.  My stomach hates me and my blood is probably water but I can't be bothered with that while my head pounds constantly.
According to MayoClinic, causes could include meningitis, brain tumors, stroke, or a failure of pain signals working properly.  This is why no one should Google their ailments on the internet.  You go to look for something as mundane as a headache and end up closing your web browser convinced you have a rare genetic disorder that gives you -at most- 5 days to live.
I'm curious, as I seem to suffer from chronic headaches, does anyone else? Or what tips do you have to help get rid of yours? This is of course only if someone reads this which chances are, I'm simply indulging myself.

No book recommendations today.  Still moseying through A Feast For Crows.  Review to come soon.

Vampires Are Real

I've just returned from the land of maple syrup and Mounties. Although we have hi-speed internet, my computer decided it didn't want to connect to the wifi so I had to use an ethernet cable.  It's remarkable how we take small things such as a good wifi connection for granted.  The future generations will be so spoiled.  If I have kids, I'm going to make sure that they spend time outside and reading actual books.

Fun fact: Wifi doesn't stand for anything. Whoever came up with the name was probably on drugs.

So not only did I come back from Canada appreciating wifi, I also learned that mosquitoes are progressively taking over the world.  These little blood suckers attacked me severely over the past few days to the point that I Googled them.  I found out some lovely facts that I wish I didn't know because now I'm petrified as well as itchy and annoyed.

Mosquitoes are at a possibly all time high this summer due to our quite humid and warm spring.  This also applies to ticks.  If you're going camping, just sleep in a bubble that's coated in bug repellent. Also, due to hurricane season, there has been a certain type of mosquito that has come back from being dormant.  It's roughly the size of a quarter which is 20x the size of your average mosquito. These can be found primarily in Florida.  For the first time in a year, I'm happy I don't still live in Florida.

They're also getting more aggressive, giving off more deadly diseases and being more of a pain in the ass.  Those who claim vampires don't exist, they haven't been paying attention to mosquitoes.

Side note: Got my license finally. Personal victory and one more thing off my Resolutions To-Do list. And I'm half-way through A Feast For Crows and now that everyone's been introduced it's starting to pick up and I'm really enjoying it.

I Suck At Being A Human

First of all, I have Pandora. Back in December I added a Lil' Wayne playlist as I was in a rap kind of mood and was joking with my friend that I was going to take a "Ghetto" bath.  Well I can't delete the station. I have been trying to delete this station for 6 months and it keeps coming back! Karma? I don't even know. It's like Pandora's own personal joke on my life.

Secondly, I fail at human emotions.  I got in to two discussions this week over how I may or may not appropriately express emotions.  I hate emotions, they get in the way and add fuel to the fire.  As any other female, I am emotional but my emotions are usually that of annoyance or rage, or anger, or anything negative because as I've previously stated, I hate people.

My mother, my sister, and my two best friends are highly emotional people. Almost to the point of being over emotional.  Everything is taken so personally like an attack and everything is a big deal.  So clearly I don't take half of what they're upset about seriously because I'm an asshole.  I'm a sarcastic person and I try to be logical and yes, when I'm upset I'll vent and get it off my chest and then come to the realization that there's nothing I can do about it now and move on with my life. With a few exceptions of course.  I have gone crazy in the past when dealing with an ex-boyfriend.  He's one of the reasons why I'm not pursuing relationships. I hated myself for being an emotional wreck.

But those people who tear up over a greeting card that their sister's friend's older brother's ex girlfriend's aunt sent them in the mail 3 years ago, can you not? It doesn't have anything to do with you, you didn't know them, why are you sad?

The topic I have the most trouble expressing emotions with is death.  I have never been able to deal with death and I've known a lot of people who've passed away.  I don't cry, I get headaches and I get sad but I don't cry.  It comes off as being insensitive and It's not meant to, I just don't have the typical reaction.

Today we had to put our dog down which was sad. My parents were wreck's and I'm sad but I'm fine.  My sister had the gaul to call me the other day and tell me that if our parents get upset to try and not say something snarky. Why would I tell them to suck it up and stop being sad? Does she really think that little of me? And then she proceeded to say other things against my character which naturally I tuned out until I realized how she was being a hypocrite and then I just got pissed.
Hypocrites irk me. I don't respect them and I can't take you seriously if you're not being sincere or are contradictory or hypocritical.  This isn't just for other people, I apply the same standards to my own life.  I get furious at myself constantly for breaking my own rules.  My confidence and self-esteem is awesome!

In other news, I finished The Casual Vacancy. Started and finished Bared to You by Sylvia Day and have started A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin.

Next post will be more uplifting. Maybe.

A Book By Any Other Name ...

I don't know if anyone reads this or it's just for my own state of well-being to write and get things off my chest.  Nevertheless, I'm going to ask for suggestions.

I'm an avid reader. I have loved the idea reading since before I could read.  I used to take loads and loads of picture books to bed when I was little, look at all the pictures and make my own stories. If I did recognize a word, I'd base what I thought the story was around the few things I could decipher.

I am a nerd. Deal with it.

I love reading books that are in series or trilogies and am always sad when they come to an end. Lately I've found that the books I've been captivated by are full of drama and violence and scandal and sex.  Which reading this back sounds great.  However, reading the actual books I always find myself asking "Why am I reading this? This is so sad! Why can't I find a happy book?" Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the novels which is why I keep reading them.

This is where the suggestions come in.  If anyone who happens to stumble upon this has a suggestion for a more upbeat story I could read, please let me know! Or any books you think that are worth checking out.

As for me, I'll leave you with my current reading endeavor.  The Casual Vacancy by J.K Rowling.  If you're a J.K. Rowling fan, I suggest you read it just because of how drastically different it is from Harry Potter.  Gives you a sense of how magnificent and complex of a writer she really is.

#Hashtags

When did hashtags take over? I understand their purpose and when used correctly helps group together an idea or a topic, but now... hashtags are out of control.

Twitter- Hashtags are used to help start trending topics. Usually.
Tumblr- Hashtags are used to tag the post so people can look for similar posts.  Usually.
Telephone- It's a pound sign. You use it when you're trying to get your voicemail.  Usually.
The "Ironic Use"- Hashtags are used to just be an asshole but in a joking, sarcastic manner.

EXAMPLE: #OMG #YOLO #FML #howmanyhashtagscanIputbeforepeoplegetannoyed #LOL

Instagram- Hashtags are used similarly to how they're used on Tumblr, but to find pictures.  Usually.

But now Facebook? Really? I don't even know what the point of having a Facebook hashtag is.  They made them to pop up like a link, but what are they linking to? I'm convinced that Zuckerburg is just riding that gravy train to the latest fad and decided to add them to his repetoire.  Want to know when something stops being cool? You see it on Facebook.

Now when I want to tell people who don't actually care about my life about my "status" I can go a step further and annoy them even more.

EXAMPLE: "It's so sunny out today! Working on my tan. #summer #tanning #yourejealous"

NO!

Fandoms

I, like most people in today's society, am a member of certain fandoms.  If you don't know what a fandom is then you should probably get off the internet. I mean really? Do you live under a rock?

But I digress.  Certain members of certain fandoms always have to take matters to the extremes and go just a bit too far.  This results in stalking, cyber-stalking, bullying, NSFW fanfiction and any other form of general creepiness imaginable.  These individuals tend to be generalized until the whole fandom is thought to be relatively crazy.  Think of us what you will, I don't care too much. I like what I like and the extent to which I like something has never bordered on crazy to my standards.  I have a degree in Psychology so I feel like I know when too far is too far.

What bothers me about fandoms is when they feel threatened.  Most of these groups of people find each other on social media platforms and once someone causes drama, it tends to implode the internet for a few hours.  Everyone assumes something and blows it out of proportion and soon, they end up causing distress to the person, or people involved who or what their fandom is based around.

Then there are the people who say something just to be like "OMG guys, this is so dumb. Ur arguing over nothing and its stupid so u should just shut up."  Yeah... This doesn't help.  They end up getting hate comments and inevitably prolonging the discussion.

Another problem I have is how these individuals (who lack moral fiber and a sense of privacy) choose to justify posting personal information and photos and videos that clearly the source has said or done something to make it hard to find.  We forget that celebrities on any scale, are people.  They have private lives and if they don't want to share with us, they don't have to.  Or if at one point in time they tweeted something, posted a status, or a picture; it doesn't mean that's how they feel or act now.

People are constantly growing and learning and developing.  No one is in the same situation today as they were a few years or even a few months ago.  As situations change, people adapt.  Don't go digging up things from the past that are no long relevant just to prove a point and be a nuisance.  How would you like it if someone dug up an old photo of you and plastered it all over for the world to see when you deliberately tried to make it hard to find?

Yes, we are curious and interested about the lives of those we idolize or fancy.  We can continue to do so however, try to be respectful about it.

I could go on about this all day so I'll end it here.  Moral of this post:

Come on fandoms. Get your shit together. Just let the drama die. Respect people's privacy.  Don't be that asshole.

I Dislike People

I consider myself a selectively social person.  I thoroughly enjoy being on my own and don't often find myself saying "I wish I was out with (insert name here)". Don't get me wrong, I like going out to social events and behaving unleashed, but if I'm with certain people for an extended period of time, I find I can't be bothered and end up preferring to be left to my own devices.
The worlds I encounter in books or shows or movies are often more to my liking than anything reality has in store for me.  If I want to just pick up and leave, I don't have to worry about money, travel arrangements, destinations.  Characters always find someone who is willing to help. That doesn't happen in real life.  
At the moment, I'm living at my parent's house.  Not ideal.  My mother is an extremely social person and does not like doing things by herself.  This then gets thrown upon other people because since she doesn't like to be alone, she thinks others also want the company.  Today, for example, I thought it'd be polite to inform her that I was going on a walk around the neighborhood. This simple act ended up putting a damper on the rest of my afternoon. 
Mother decided she too would like to go for a walk and asked if I would like her to join. Since I'm such a cheerful person I responded with "Not particularly, but if you want to".  Any other person would have taken this moment to bow out, but not mother.  Then she complains that I walk too fast. Then she doesn't want to go on the route I normally take because it's too much for her which is fine so we go the other way.  We don't even get to the end of the road and she strikes up a conversation with Bill.
I've never seen Bill before, I've never spoken to Bill. Meeting Bill has in no way bettered my life.  
Thirty minutes later, the conversation ends and by this point I have made little effort to involve myself with what they were talking about.  My only contribution was to tell Bill that I hate people and that don't value much of what they say because it's usually nonsense.  Mother finally took the hint that I didn't want to be there. After standing for a half hour awkwardly playing Uno on my phone, I suggested we just go back home.  
A waste of a nice walk.  
If I don't want to talk to someone, I won't talk to them.  This isn't me trying to be rude or anti-social, this is just my personality.  If I had met Bill in another circumstance I would have probably been more polite or outgoing. Or if they had a topic of conversation that I had any knowledge about.  
I'm much more relaxed in online interactions

Hello-atus

After several years of noncommittal blogging on various websites, here is my not-so-long awaited return on-yet again-another source of social media.  I've missed traditional, journal-esque style of writing and since literally no one knows of this, I can actually get personal without fear of being exploited.

Whether or not I have anything of substance to write about is another matter entirely. Bear with me. 

For now, this is all that is necessary to know:

• I'm extremely short
• Life experience has made me rather bitter 
• I'm sarcastic to a fault
• I live in a desolate town that I'm trying to escape from in the next few months

Stay tuned.