I've been single for almost two years. After an excruciating heart break with a very dramatic relationship, I've vowed to (probably) never find someone else. Well, so far this has been true. I have had relations with a few people, yet have always stuck to my pretenses with the "I don't want a boyfriend. Being single is way more fun. Relationships are too much work. I don't want to lose myself again."None of that has been a fabrication. In fact, I still hold true to most of that. Yet, I find myself wanting. Not just a physical relation, not even a commitment, but someone.
I keep thinking about my past relationships both consciously and unconsciously and it's driving me mad. I miss the companionship. I miss the butterflies. I miss the honesty. What I previously "vowed" has not been what's keeping me from venturing out into the dating pool. It's just now that I'm thinking about it, he -or anyone- could misinterpret my relationship status as a homage to him.
Him and I don't talk. I'm fairly certain that he's dating someone else at the moment which is more than fine by me. There is a 98.43% chance he doesn't ever think about my existence let alone if I'm dating yet. So why is he on my mind? I don't know.
Maybe it's because it would have been our six year anniversary last week. Or my other long-term squeeze, eight years. Perhaps it is because it's almost to the two year mark of which the relationship came to an end. Perhaps the myth that if you're dreaming of someone, they're often thinking of you is true?
Whatever the case, I have long since moved on from my past and might be ready to start anew. Wish me luck?
No comments:
Post a Comment