First of all, I have Pandora. Back in December I added a Lil' Wayne playlist as I was in a rap kind of mood and was joking with my friend that I was going to take a "Ghetto" bath. Well I can't delete the station. I have been trying to delete this station for 6 months and it keeps coming back! Karma? I don't even know. It's like Pandora's own personal joke on my life.
Secondly, I fail at human emotions. I got in to two discussions this week over how I may or may not appropriately express emotions. I hate emotions, they get in the way and add fuel to the fire. As any other female, I am emotional but my emotions are usually that of annoyance or rage, or anger, or anything negative because as I've previously stated, I hate people.
My mother, my sister, and my two best friends are highly emotional people. Almost to the point of being over emotional. Everything is taken so personally like an attack and everything is a big deal. So clearly I don't take half of what they're upset about seriously because I'm an asshole. I'm a sarcastic person and I try to be logical and yes, when I'm upset I'll vent and get it off my chest and then come to the realization that there's nothing I can do about it now and move on with my life. With a few exceptions of course. I have gone crazy in the past when dealing with an ex-boyfriend. He's one of the reasons why I'm not pursuing relationships. I hated myself for being an emotional wreck.
But those people who tear up over a greeting card that their sister's friend's older brother's ex girlfriend's aunt sent them in the mail 3 years ago, can you not? It doesn't have anything to do with you, you didn't know them, why are you sad?
The topic I have the most trouble expressing emotions with is death. I have never been able to deal with death and I've known a lot of people who've passed away. I don't cry, I get headaches and I get sad but I don't cry. It comes off as being insensitive and It's not meant to, I just don't have the typical reaction.
Today we had to put our dog down which was sad. My parents were wreck's and I'm sad but I'm fine. My sister had the gaul to call me the other day and tell me that if our parents get upset to try and not say something snarky. Why would I tell them to suck it up and stop being sad? Does she really think that little of me? And then she proceeded to say other things against my character which naturally I tuned out until I realized how she was being a hypocrite and then I just got pissed.
Hypocrites irk me. I don't respect them and I can't take you seriously if you're not being sincere or are contradictory or hypocritical. This isn't just for other people, I apply the same standards to my own life. I get furious at myself constantly for breaking my own rules. My confidence and self-esteem is awesome!
In other news, I finished The Casual Vacancy. Started and finished Bared to You by Sylvia Day and have started A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin.
Next post will be more uplifting. Maybe.
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